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The Sump Jokes

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  • Jock & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.
    Jock looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
    The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
    Jock said to his pal, "Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.
    Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Irishmen and try to screw us. I'll put on my best London accent".
    "OK Jock, I'll keep me mouth shut" said Jimmy
    They go in and Jock said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!
    The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
    "Well yes," said a surprised Jock. "What gave it away?"
    The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners.”


    • This may or may not have been done before, anyway im not going through all the pages to find out.
      Names and places may or may not have been altered to protect the innocent .

      The Cruel Sea

      The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.

      "We're sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.

      "Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.

      The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

      Fearing the worst, Mr O’ Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

      The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O’ Flynn.

      Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

      The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Mrs O’Flynn up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

      Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"

      The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."